scratched

I was convinced that I was to survive a turbulent road to forgive a man who did no wrong. I had completely complied with this plan, and I believed that the process was the only definitive aspect of my future. However, I don't believe in this anymore. As long as I act in accordance with this broken configuration, and as long as I blindly accept the purpose of the plan, progress will be but an abstract notion.

I find the words to be true: you left me alone and in tears. You left me broken, yes, but ruined, no. 

I intended to dissect my feelings and display them with coincidentally corresponding real events from the past. I wanted so badly to publish these elaborate rants (on matters regarding anything and everything...nothing would be safe), as if I had a subconscious desire to reveal some horrible secret about you(a secret that would have existed only within the confines of my mind). And while such a blog would have been potentially interesting, uniquely macabre, and maybe a little hilarious, it would've ultimately only solidified my character as one of pessimism and cynicism. So no, I don't think I'm going to sing a sad song declaring license to use my past as a justification for a bleak attitude towards real and good and really good things like love and hope.

Also, I apologize for the poorly drawn-out introduction. I'm a sophomore in college who went tremendously off course a few months ago. It's better now, and although my future remains wickedly unplanned (which sometimes mildly freaks me out still), I don't feel quite as lost. I am quite content with existing.